I wanted soul food and all I got was this darn pandemic

Every year since my Mom passed away I usually go down to North Carolina to see my paternal family to have Thanksgiving dinner with them. I LOVE it! I don't love Tarboro, North Carolina but I sure do love my family. They are funny, have minimal filtration and are wonderful cooks. They have been a sanctuary especially these last four years. So when the coronavirus pandemic threatened to end my soul food streak, I was pretty sad.  I've been avoiding doing a lot of cooking for the past few years. You may have noticed that this blog has a post from 2014 and nothing after that because a few months later, my Mom died and through the years cooking has been more difficult for me. It reminds me of my grief and loss and has slowly begun to no longer bring me the joy it use to. So being forced to celebrate Thanksgiving in New York without family this year is a little triggering as you can imagine. That is why I'm going to try to make it as fun as I can. Thankfully, I won't be doing the cooking alone which will help tremendously and if anything goes horribly wrong whoever is reading this blog will get a great chuckle out of it. 

How Is It Going?

Monday, November 23 - So far today, I've recorded a special Thanksgiving episode of my podcast, Theatre Geeks Anonymous which you will be able to hear on Thanksgiving Day. It's our present to ourselves and all the geeks who listen to our pod. If you've never listened and your interested, here you go! 
I've taken the turkey out of the freezer to thaw and am really struggling with whether to brine or not to brine. You can brine your turkey as it thaws so I may brine it on Wednesday morning for the last 6-8 hours of it's thaw time before smothering it with herbs and vegan butter before it goes in the crockpot before I head to bed. My podcast co-host Pamela is a good cook as well and she talked me into seriously thinking about brining. Neither of us have done a turkey before this year so we're figuring it out. We'll see if I brine.  I'll keep you posted. 
Tonight I have a fun Friendsgiving social hour planned with the think tank I started with some friends in the spring called the Think Tank for Theatrical Innovation. This group is filled with some of the most majestic human beings and I am so excited to talk to them about nothing and everything while we eat and drink tonight! 
Lastly I'm thinking about re-watching my church's service from yesterday. It reminded me about perspective and gratefulness during a plague and how to give God glory for the good He has done. I still have a job, friends, a home and so do my siblings and extended family. We are a blessed group and there's a lot to be thankful for this year even if 2020 had some plot twists nobody wanted. 
Tomorrow I'll share some photos of the sides we're cooking, but for now, enjoy the photos of past Thanksgivings with my family in North Carolina. 

"Belle" - In Movie Theaters

"Violet" On Broadway

This post is going to be be all about the histrionics portion of this blog. Nothing edible.  I've just seen two pieces of performing art that are demanding my complete attention and I'm giving it to them. I'm excited to write this entry because the only entertainment I believe that's worth creating is the kind that provokes thought.  And since most entertainment that's out nowadays is thoughtless, these two gems gave me hope that all is not lost. 
You see, I've been struggling with some things for all of my life and these two pieces forced me to look at them. I don't know where I am now, but I've been forced to look at myself.  Well...this part of myself at least.  I know these themes are ones every woman faces at one time or another. The two women here, Belle and Violet, have it much harder than most of us do.
To give you a short synopsis of each so that you know where I am going in this post, Violet is a woman who was disfigured as a young child. She decides to go on a journey to a faith healer to get healed after her father passes away.  She is the town "freak" and no one looks her in the eye. Her Father never did either.
In the movie "Belle", Dido (Belle) is a bi-racial woman raised in a high ranking political household. Because the standards of "propriety" at the time hold her back from fully engaging in "high society" she finds herself not knowing where she stands or who she is. Sort of lost, in a constant state of having one foot in and one foot out. Neither of her own choosing.
The common themes of these stories are beauty, accepting your own and the desire to be accepted by others. Love, being loved for who you are, totally and completely.  Self-acceptance, inner healing, father-daughter relationships and the enormous impact they have on a woman's identity and the ability to love herself and others.
Growing up as a minority with two well educated parents in the suburbs in the '80s and '90s, you find yourself always the "token' one.  You get so use to it that you don't ever really notice or pay attention to it because that's always been your life. You have the friends you have and they're just people and you and them don't pay much attention to color. Or at least, that's what I thought. 
There is a scene in "Belle" where the title character is sitting at her vanity looking in the mirror just after a terrible encounter with her soon-to-be brother-in-law. She strikes herself as if trying to get away from her color. As I watched both of these women struggle with their own self-hatred so viscerally, I was once again reminded of my own. I'm a person yes, and this is a common struggle, yes. But the difference for me has been that I've been the only one for so much of my life. Not black enough to be fully accepted by my own race but still clearly a minority and not able to be completely understood by my friends of other races who have loved and accepted me.
And when I watched both women struggle in their love lives, because they were different, I was struck to the core. I watched my mail be read on screen and on stage and I thought, "I'm not the only one who is dealing with this? I'm not alone?"  I'm blessed, I've never been told I'm unattractive. People can look me in the eye. I don't get whispered about behind my back like the two women above. My parents loved me and edified me all of my life. But rejection and I have also known each other my whole life. From the kindergarten teacher who faced me to the back wall for an entire year, to all the unrequited loves of my life.
There's that nagging thought in the back of your mind that maybe you aren't good enough.  If you lost weight, changed your hair, dressed differently, wore make-up or sometimes, yes, even were a different color, things might be different.   When I was a child this was at the forefront of my mind. You can tell a little girl she's beautiful, but if she is rejected by those she wants to be accepted by, it leaves scars. Maybe the scars aren't as visible as the ones on Violet's face but they are no less real, deep and affecting.
So, now I'm an adult. I've finally gotten to a place in my life where I love my skin color, I love my hair and I accept those things as gifts from God. Things aren't any easier but I take the responsibility that comes with these gifts as an honor.  Just as I took my charge to become a New Yorker as a great honor.
Don't get me wrong...I still struggle with completely accepting myself as beautiful.  There's this messed up stigma on women that if you say or think that about yourself than you're arrogant. It's part of the burnt toast theory, I think.  If you tell me you don't struggle with this you're lying to yourself.  You're not lying to me because I have your number and I know what you're doing. At least own up to it, learn from it and begin to grow and heal in a REAL way. Lying to yourself will not work.
At the end of Violet and Belle's stories both women stopped allowing everyone else to tell them they were worthy of loving and being loved.  Once they accepted it the things they wondered if would ever be offered to them were.  Belle was even able to change the world and make it a place I can live in as a free black woman. She was one of the "Esthers" of my race and I am indebted to her for her contribution.
So, where does this leave me?  I have only one choice and that is to daily remind myself that I am worthy of being loved and I need to be active in loving others well.  And when I fail, having grace for myself to try again, and when others fail extending that to them. So that when you learn how to love yourself and others well you become more beautiful.  For this is the beauty of God that should shine through all of us. This is how the world is changed, when we know our worth and worthiness.
And one day, if it be God's will, I may meet a man intelligent enough to see my truth and love me well as these two women found. One should NEVER be loved, "in spite of" or "because of".  One should just be loved.  All of you just "because".
And whether or not that happens, I will choose to love myself and others in that way because I am loved that way by my Creator. So, I leave you with this, You are beautiful, worthy, accepted, known, understood, appreciated and loved.  Walk in THAT truth my friends. Accept no other.

Love,
Ebony